THESIS - Bush Park is the most fun place in Texas for its wide, open expanse, cultural festivals, and for the memories that it provides for a lifetime.
BODY PARAGRAPH 1 - A forest, lake, and shooting range are just some of the few characteristics of the park which covers most of the land. The entire area is open field that covers about eight thousand acres of land. The three adventurous activities in the park are indeed hunting in the forest, fishing in the lake, and shooting with a live rifle. I had the opportunity to do all three of them and I enjoyed it. Two years ago, my friends and I went to the forest to hunt white tail bucks, but, unfortunately, did not find any. However, we did catch fish from the lake and had a spectacular time shooting down the range. While we were in the forest, there was an incident and one of my friend got bit by an insect that could not even be identified by scientists or the doctor that treated him on the scene. My friend started scratching the bite because all it did was itch and burn a little bit. After a little while, however, he began to swell at the sight of the bite. He could not move his legs enough to even stand. Because he was severely allergic to the insect bite, we had to carry him on our shoulders for the entire time that we hunted. I still remember when we caught fish and cooked it in the same spot and ate it. The fish came out fresh and delicious.
the organization nearing the end wasn't that great. you're talking about activities at first then a accident, then randomly brought up fish. other than that, the park sounds great and huge too.
ReplyDeleteI really like how you used a personal experince in your paper. Your personal story shows your connection to Bush Park. You have used very percise details about the park, by stating what all it has. Though I was suprised that they have a actual place you can hunt at.
ReplyDeleteThe organization of the paragraph was good. The things you talked about in the paragraph flowed naturally. Your paragraph gave me ideads of how much fun it is at Bush park.
ReplyDeleteYour organization is really good except towards the end. You jumped from hunting and your memory to the fish you caught. Other than that i like all the activities you can do that you included in your paragraph because it really makes the place appealing to go to. I also like that you included a memory of the place. It shows you spent time there and created memories you'll never forget.
ReplyDelete"hunting in the forest, fishing in the lake, and shooting with a live rifle" are things that I always wanted to do! I have been to this park but never the parts that you explained. Thanks for letting me know about it, I will look forward to this next time I go!
ReplyDeleteYour organization flows pretty well just the end is a little bit wierd. Other than that, it is interesting and great! Go bush park!@