Thesis: A reason why I love this lake could be how the wind glazes my cheek as I’m sitting on the bench thinking to myself, or when the sun beats down on my forehead as I walk the path with my friends, or maybe it’s the enjoyable times I have had with my grandpa that makes me love this simple body of water
Body Paragraph:
When times get hard and it seems as if the world is falling right on top of me, I like to take a walk to the lake. It may not seem like much to someone, but to me it is as soothing as a mother’s arms. The walk isn’t too far from my house, only about half a mile. I step over cracks in the sidewalk and make my way through the bushes to get to my favorite spot on the lake. As I sit on this bench and stress out, my mind slowly forgets all of my problems. The wind blows and it feels as if the water is lifted up from the lake and is slightly touching me on the face. The alligator’s lift their heads up from the water and slowly swim across the lake. The only sounds are the frogs and crickets around the bushes where I sit. As I close my eyes and listen, my problems slowly fade. Coming to this lake gives me a sense of freedom. I feel that at this lake nothing in my life could be better. It helps to free my mind and to clear my thoughts. If I have relationship problems, school problems, or work problems, coming to this lake frees me from all my issues. This lake not only does wonders for me, but it is also where my friends and I love to come to escape society.
I really like how you describe the lake using your 5 senses. It really helps me understand why you love coming to this place. I also like what it means for you. Its always good to have something that just makes all the problems in the world fade away.
ReplyDeleteThe Title is very good, almost a pun of some type. I like how you choose to bring details to the lake with conclution of frogs, alligators, and crickets. I also like how you compair the soothing of the lake to your mothers arms. Either you have a harsh mother, or this lake means alot to you, and I would put my money on the later.
ReplyDeleteI didnt really catch on to the tittle but im pretty sure it has a meaning. Other than that I like your topic and people should know about places that they can come to relax and let their problems fade away. I like how you added the extra details of your walk to the park about the cracks...
ReplyDeleteThe reasons why you love the lake are personal and appeal to pathos. Your simile of a soothing mother's arms is effective and adds to the feel of your paper. The sensory details gives the whole paper a sense of tranquility, and i can see why you love it.
ReplyDeleteRico;
ReplyDeleteI like how you describe the lake and how your writing makes the reader visualize and feel they way you feel about this place. You describe all five senses pretty well, it makes me want to go visit and feel some of the tranquility you speak about.
Good job :)