I have never heard of this place, but reading this makes me want to try something different and experience it for myself. Saying the music cuts the ropes of the most uptight person makes the atmosphere seem alive and free-spirited. You use plenty of sensory details that make the image of the place clear in my head.
I believe the teacher only asked for a thesis and one body paragraph, but it's even better for me to actually get in more depth of the essay. My grandfather used to do Hooka in Pakistan and it is quite famous their too. I didn't that Hooka was also well-known in America but now that you mentioned it it seems people do visit their with the picture you provided. Your essay had excellent details that made me read not only the thesis/body paragraph but instead read the entire essay.
This is a little more than a body paragraph but i like the way you talk about the tricks and go into depth about what happens besides smoking. You talk about diversity which is good and makes the audience want to experience this place. Getting into the way you feel when you hit the hooka is really good for appeal.
Your thesis and body paragraph are interesting, it actually made me learn of a place I did not know of. I have to admit what aroused my attention the most was the dancing and the food (the Shish Kabob) it made me actually want to go check that out. Your sensory details are captivating and are good in making us visualize the place even tho some have not been there before. Good job :)
(Commentent on the paragraph that describes the buzz) Very well written paragraph (though a bit redundant with the laguhing part lol) You gave me insight on what it's like on just a regular day to be at this hookah bar. The way you incorporated all that was going on in the bar too was great, "My friends, the hookah itself, the music, the people, the atmosphere, the situation; it felt like euphoria!"
I don't think I'll ever smoke a hookah, but this was really interesting. Your descriptions are so specific and this is really good writing. Your paper is really informative. Nice job.
I actually have never heard of this place, but the way you described it made me feel like I have been there. I don't think smoking hookah is a thing that I would ever do, but this place seems like a great place to go just to hang out with your friends. Your essay is good!
I have never heard of this place, but reading this makes me want to try something different and experience it for myself. Saying the music cuts the ropes of the most uptight person makes the atmosphere seem alive and free-spirited. You use plenty of sensory details that make the image of the place clear in my head.
ReplyDeleteI believe the teacher only asked for a thesis and one body paragraph, but it's even better for me to actually get in more depth of the essay. My grandfather used to do Hooka in Pakistan and it is quite famous their too. I didn't that Hooka was also well-known in America but now that you mentioned it it seems people do visit their with the picture you provided. Your essay had excellent details that made me read not only the thesis/body paragraph but instead read the entire essay.
ReplyDeleteThis is a little more than a body paragraph but i like the way you talk about the tricks and go into depth about what happens besides smoking. You talk about diversity which is good and makes the audience want to experience this place. Getting into the way you feel when you hit the hooka is really good for appeal.
ReplyDeleteAmir;
ReplyDeleteYour thesis and body paragraph are interesting, it actually made me learn of a place I did not know of. I have to admit what aroused my attention the most was the dancing and the food (the Shish Kabob) it made me actually want to go check that out. Your sensory details are captivating and are good in making us visualize the place even tho some have not been there before.
Good job :)
(Commentent on the paragraph that describes the buzz) Very well written paragraph (though a bit redundant with the laguhing part lol)
ReplyDeleteYou gave me insight on what it's like on just a regular day to be at this hookah bar. The way you incorporated all that was going on in the bar too was great, "My friends, the hookah itself, the music, the people, the atmosphere, the situation; it felt like euphoria!"
excellent!
I don't think I'll ever smoke a hookah, but this was really interesting. Your descriptions are so specific and this is really good writing. Your paper is really informative. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteI actually have never heard of this place, but the way you described it made me feel like I have been there. I don't think smoking hookah is a thing that I would ever do, but this place seems like a great place to go just to hang out with your friends. Your essay is good!
ReplyDeletetest
ReplyDelete