Thesis: What do you think of when you hear the word movies? Do you think of popcorn and explosions? Or do you think of memories and special moments? I think of AMC 30. The place where people can go to take a break from a hectic day and just enjoy themselves, but AMC 30 is more than just a place to watch movies. It’s a place where you take your unruly children to hypnotize them into silence; a place where first dates are undergone; a place where families bond and build.
Body Paragraph: I can’t tell you the first time I ever went to the movies, but I can tell you the first time I remember it. Walking in through the dirty glass doors, full of handprints and dirt. The floors are a green covered with purple circles like an odd assortment of chicken pox. I could smell the buttery popcorn and smell the hot dogs cooking. Yet the one thing that caught my full attention was the galaxy that floated up above. I stared at the moon protruding from the ceiling surrounded by a starry purple night. You felt like an astronomer staring into space.
That’s probably what my sister felt the first time we took her to AMC 30. She is beyond a hand full. Her personality is like firecrackers being let off in a tightly enclosed box. Better yet. She is the ringleader of the children of the corn, but taking her to the movies was like a miracle. She walked in and right away I could see her taking off on a rocket to land on the moon above. She stared and the only thing that came out was “wowwww!” I laughed until my stomach hurt. She enjoyed the hot, soft cinnamon pretzels and twizzlers. She enjoyed running around the huge women’s restroom, staring at herself from the large wall made up of mirrors. She raced from game to game feeding them token after token. Then when the time came to watch the movie I could see her eyes almost pop out of her head. She loves watching T.V and movies, but the immense size of the screen threw her off balance. She had never seen cartoons so big and loud. Their voices echoed and bounced off every surface enhancing their voices. Not once did she squirm or whine. Now we knew how to keep her quite and control her wildness. I guess that’s what you need to handle the hyperactive kids: a big screen playing Toy Story 3. I will never forget that day because I know how much it meant to my sister. But not just her. All the other kids too. Their laughter rang from corner to corner of that theatre, and I knew that they were in a wonderland just like my sister.
Good, Great, Fantastic thesis and body paragraph. I visit AMC 30 almost every Friday and I got to say that I did capture the beauty of this place as you did. Your description gave me totally different view of AMC 30 and now whenever I will visit I'll remember your experience. Your thesis had everything that a reader need to know before he starts reading the essay. So well done in your thesis and from there you just got better and better with effective statements even in your body paragraph. I couldn't see any weak points from neither the thesis nor the body paragraph.
ReplyDeleteThe rhetorical questions at the beginning add to the paper. I helps me imagine what i think of when i hear the movies.It also helps transition to what your paper is about.
ReplyDeleteThe last sentence of the introduction paragraph brings up ideas that aren't ordinary. It paints a picture and makes people think of their experiences they had like that in the movie theater. Unruly kids, first dates, and family isn't what I immediately think of when i hear movies, but you give an unexpected view of what the movies represents and makes the opening more interesting.
The body paragraph has a lot of descriptions and figurative language. Comparing the circles on the floor to chicken pox is very effective. Your use of sensory details makes the movie theater come alive.
Great thesis and body paragraph. I have never been there before but your description of AMC 30 showed me what it is like in there.
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ReplyDeleteI loved how you explained this place becasue sentence after sentence more imaaes kept popping into my head creating a picture of what this theater really looks like even though I've been there myself. I like how you explained your sister's personality by saying, "Her personality is like firecrackers being let off in a tightly enclosed box." Your use of adjectives and the ones chosen contributed to bringing the theater to life.
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ReplyDeleteI like your thesis, it actually grabbed my attention and made me think of what I think of when going to the movies. I personally do not go to AMC 30 (I go to the Regal Cinemark down by Ikea) but your writing had made me somehow interested in visiting AMC 30. Your description\details of your sister's first movie experience made me go back and remember how my little sister and brother were when they first went. I like how you include all five senses, and you actually make the reader feel how you were truly touched by your sister's joy.
Good job :)
I like how your sensory details include the little aspects of the movies like the fingerprints on the door. The use of our senses paints the image of the first things you encounter when you enter the theater. The details you include about your little sister is something anyone can relate to.
ReplyDeleteFirst off, your thesis is amazing!
ReplyDeleteI have to admit, I wasn't really into the whole question thing, but when you stated that its where "...you take your unruly children to hypnotize them into silence.." that line alone made me keep reading and I'm glad I did.
I adore your ability to make your sentences flow so smoothly, I didn't sense like you were rushing anything. Your use of figurative language amazes me, like comparing your sister to firecrackers in a closed box is so expressive!
Good Job.
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